Hey, I haven't updated in awhile... I've been kind of busy, kind of just not feeling like updating. It was Valentine's Day yesterday... you could call it a stupid hallmark way to make money... but think about how nice it would be if you had someone special to you to spend it with. Claire and I were eachothers dates, due to both of our hearts being crushed under the weight of pathetic guys who move on quick because of their insecurity and need to feel wanted, while leaving the pathetic girl alone to rot. Sounds romantic, doesn't it? Do you ever get the feeling where you can't stop thinking about a certain person, and you feel like you are short of breath, and the weight of the world is on your shoulders? I hate that feeling. And I have had it all week. It sucks more than anything. What are you supposed to do when you love someone but they don't love you back?

You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold.
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones.
Spring keeps you ever close.
You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin.
Standing trial for your sins.
Holding onto yourself the best you can.
You are the smell before rain.
You are the blood in my veins.

[	Current Mood	|	sad	]
[	Current Music	|	Brand New	]

Hey.... Tonight was a lot of fun, more fun than I thought it would be... I definatly had a very interesting (to say the very least) day today, and I couldn't stop thinking about how stupid I am. I wish I could explain today.... but I definatly can't describe...

But anyways... Tonite, Kara, Sarah, and I went to the basketball game and watched th emost miserable game EVER! And Jason and Dan were supposed to call me, and NEVER DID! I feel so loved! But that's okay, afterwards, we went over to Meggie's with Brittany and Kara and Sarah and I, and we watched Clueless... AS IF! And It was just a very ironic movie at the time for me and Meggie, especially me... Tehhe.

I guessed I kind of realized a couple things today while thinking of all the chaos...

• You can't change the past... no matter how hard you try... what's done is done, and there really isn't much else to it.
• You ALWAYS want what you can't have...
• Once you let something go... and it's gone... you can't get it back...
• Love Hurts

How come after everything... bad and good... I can only see the good in everything? This whole experience has in a way, made me more optimistic, but at the same time, all I think about it how hurt I am from everything going on. I can pretend like it doesn't bother me, but it does, and I think I cover it well. And I guess I just need to realize I won't always get my way, I am done with being able to manipulate, and I am done with being catered to.... and I could still have all of that, but I don't, because I was stupid and I let it go. Sometimes, it takes being pushed away to realize what you had with someone, and My experiences today have kind of made me feel like I am definatly not ready to move on... everything new and old is pushing me away. I can't deal with more suckness.

*When I say lets keep in touch*

*I really mean I wish that you'd grow up*

*This is the first song for your mixed tape*

*And it's short just like your temper*

*Somewhat like the GoLdEn afternoons*

*We used to spend before you got too cool....*

[	Current Mood	|	crushed	]
[	Current Music	|	The Starting Line	]

Hey, whats up? I'm super bored, I stayed home from school today, just because i felt I needed a day off... I haven't missed school since like, the beginning of October. So, it was nice to sleep in until 1:00.

Turn-a-bout was Saturday, and I had a lot of fun. I had more fun on turn-a-bout than I did on Homecoming. Pictures were fun, dinner was fun, the dance was fun, Kara's was... interesting, to say the least, and Meggie's was really fun too. I think the big group was definetly what made it so exciting, I thought that would make it bad, but dinner wsa super fun with a lot of people there. I wish it would all happen all over again.

Sunday, I went to Rose's house and watched the Superbowl, it was awesome, I totally wanted the Patriot's to win. Tom Brady.... what a stud! I'm super mad, we totally missed the half time show with Janet Jackson's boobs.

I'm starting to realize that maybe mistakes have been made in the past... and things were done and said that shouldn't have been. Sometimes you take things for grantite and you may never have an oportunity to again, and I've definatly had one of those times.... and it took me until right now to notice.... how could I be so blind?   I think I'm at fault, and now I'm paying...

*I looked straight up all day*

*And watched the twilight fade away*

*Life moves way too fast for me*

*One small fraction of the truth*

*Grew into what ended it for me and you*

[	Current Mood	|	cold	]
[	Current Music	|	Dashboard Confessional	]

Heyy, Today is turnabout, and I had to wake up early to do some stuff. I'm super excited, and nervous at the same time. So yea, there are 24 of us all together in our group... half of us are going to Meggie's for pictures and the other half are going to Debra's for pictures, Then, we are meeting up at Santa Fe for dinner in the basement, then we are going to school, then back to Kara's house, and then to Meggie's to sleepover! I think i am more excited about before and after the dance than I am about the dance. The best part is getting ready!

We went on the Jail field trip today, and I was like, super dissappointed, I totally wanted to see like, dead bodies, or psycho inmates, or a murder case, but we didn't see anything very cool. The coolest thing we saw I think was a divorce case of a girl's parents' who goes to our school... and then we got kicked out of it. Go figure. But anything is better than school.

Soo, I went to go see Win a Date With Tad Hamilton last night, and it was not a good as I thought it was going to be! I was super dissappointed. So yea, I saw Ronnie last nite, and was reminded of why I hate him and think he is so obnoxious... but thats ok, because according to him, I am a bitch, slut, whore, and all I do is try and get people to feel sorry for me, and he wouldn't care if I died. I would be offended.... if it was someone who mattered.

xoxo Caitlin

*I'm reading your note over again*

*There's not a word that I Comprehend*

*Except when you signed it*

*I will love you for always and forever.....*

[	Current Mood	|	cranky	]
[	Current Music	|	Rufio	]

 Hey, Whats up... I'm super bored, and I'm supposed to be studying for Biology but haven't really had the motivation to do so. Yea, so I haven't even talked to my turnabout date since I asked him, And now I feel like I'm being pittied by him! And it sucks, Cuz I really wanna go with him, but I don't want to go at all if it's just because he feels bad. And I dunno, I told him to call me, and he didn't, he looks the other way at school, and I try to talk to him... but he won't talk back! WHY! Please, someone explain this to me, because this is just way over my head. And he has no idea whose group we are going in so that should be a nice surprise for him as well. Speaking of that, I guess I am going with Kara, Clare, Meggie, Ashleigh, Christina, Katie, Nadia, and their dates and stuff, so it should be fun. Kara, Claire, and I went shopping today for shoes for homecoming and Kara and I ended up getting the same shoes, except for I got the matching purse as well, and I love them! And the more I think about turnabout and the more I shop for turnabout, the more excited I get! And I am really happy I am going, but I wish my dumb date would say the same!! Anyways, enough bitching, I'm just sick of studying and people make me mad sometimes. I have no school friday, so I am supe rhappy about that, I have like a 6 day weekend! So MAYBE I can hang out with Jon.... (Hahah, in my dreams)

Today Claire, Kara, and I went to Glen Crest! And it was so super weird! I saw like, all of these teachers I haven't seen in forever, and I got to see Mrs. Schull! I missed her so much! tehhe, and then we talked to Mr. Stiles for like, an hour and then we watched indoor hockey, it was pretty cool. It was so weird, the school seemed super tiny from the last time I was in it, and it was weird cause it had this certain smell about it I remembered... it sounds corny, I know.

Yea so, finals have been going okay, I actually studied for them this time around... because I actually need good grades, so last nitw I figured was the most I've ever studied in my entire life! 4 hours! No one could ever expect that outta me, lol. Tommarrow are my last finals, Bio and Modern Issues, and they will be hard. So I'm kinda nervous cause I'm all studied out. So yea, I don't have school on Friday either, hahahha suckersss!

Anyways, I'll probably see everyone at Spitalfield, I'll talk to you all later!! xoxox Caitlin